- All For You - May 2019
Once upon a time, when I was little; I had someone tell me to be the person I needed. So, what did I do? I became everyone’s mother. You see, I didn’t have the Florida Evans or Claire Huxtable type of mom. I didn’t even have the mom everyone feared, but still loved. Nope, I had the mom who drank too much, was violent as hell, and who seriously resented being a mother to me and my younger sister.
Now, you may ask why on earth would I decide to discuss this during the month we are supposed to be celebrating and honoring our mothers and my answer is quite simple. Despite all the things she lacked, and all of her shortcomings, she still gave me life. When she couldn’t tolerate being around us anymore, she placed us with people she knew would love on us the way we deserved to be loved.
I didn’t understand this until I was an adult, with grown children of my own. I didn’t understand this until she departed this earth and I could no longer say “one day’. I didn’t understand this until I realized I never really KNEW my mother as an adult woman. Having gone through the struggles of trying to raise two kids on my own, with no support from their other parent, the stress that a situation like that brings and simply trying to survive in this world as a black woman, gave me a completely different viewpoint of my mother’s life.
That, in no way, excuses the things she did or didn’t do. But it does allow me the opportunity to see her as the beautifully flawed black woman she was. Working with a circumstance that she was ill-equipped to deal with, and absolutely zero support from any angle. It allows me to see her through the eyes of my own flaws as an adult and not always through those of the hurt little girl that still lives in me.